It's only the Beginning...

From the moment I set foot on the grounds of Mount Hermon, I knew I was going to come back sometime in the future. I knew that this place would somehow be a big part of my story. After my two summers working summer staff, Outdoor Science just seemed to be a good way to make that dream a reality.  Two and a half years later and a college degree under my belt, I made the big move to my dream home: Santa Cruz, CA..better yet...living at Mount Hermon. God saw the desire of my heart and blessed me with the opportunity to have my life drastically altered.

This first semester of working at Outdoor Science has been, in one word...SUPRISING.

 SUPRISING. I really wasn't sure I would even enjoy teaching outdoor science. I mean, I am not a science girl. I like Art. English. Writing. I am right brained. Then I started learning about how freaking awesomenature is and now I absolutly LOVE teaching this stuff. I am actually passionate about it! Who woulda thunk??



SUPRISING. God plucked me out of a time and place in my life in Washington in which I was not following Him. I did not know Him. I could not see Him or hear Him. I wouldn't allow myself to. It just seemed too hard with what I was involved with. He literally moved me out of that place into one that screams His name every morning when I walk out the door to go to work. He physically distanced me from certain relationships and stagnation in every aspect of the word to a place full of health. This was unexpected. And while I can see the fruit of it now, I did not accept this change with a smile. I accepted it kicking and screaming. A child who didn't get their way, who realized that life doesn't always turn out the way they think it will.



SUPRISING. My friendships here. He is SOOOOO faithful when it comes to blessing me with beautiful friendships. Not only have my basic needs always been taken care of, but on top of that He has always placed me somewhere in which He blesses me with at least one person who I truly connect heart to heart with. This year that person was Char. I thank God every day for this girl, who saw exactly who I was and who I desired to be the day I met her. She battled life with me these last 6 months as I had to let go of those securities that were so engrained into the core of me. She mourned with me. Cried with me. Held me. Made me laugh as I was literally writhing in pain and agony. She and I have the ability to read eachother's minds from across the room. I love that I have someone here who I find difficult to look at it in serious situations because I know we'll crack up laughing. She can always make me smile. And she blesses me greatly in what she thinks are the tiniest of ways. Thank you, Lord for my dear sister.



Beth. I didn't even know I needed her. I had no idea when I met her (this tattooed, motorcycle riding chick with a lip ring) that she would speak so much truth into my life. I clung to her as I was losing someone so precious to me. And when I confessed things to her and walls were broken down, the first thing that came to her lips was "How has this affected your relationship with Christ?" That one sentence sums up Beth. She is someone I see Christ in every day. She has lovingly rebuked me, counseled me, held my hand, prayed with and for me, reminded me DAILY of His faithfulness, seen me at my very worst, and best of all..is constantly leading me towards Christ. I love that we have been able to walk alongside one another this semester as we battle the loss of such loved people in our lives. And that we rejoice together in His new mercies that are so evident in these trials. She is one of the first friendships I have had that is Christ centered. And not only that, but this girl can make me laugh SOOO hard. I will never forget how anticipated Wednesdays were as we taught Birds and Snakes together (as she gave me grace each week knowing how much I hated teaching snakes), and our dear elective! Oh how I loved Wednesday afternoons teaching young girls about soy candles and beeswax chapstick! Girly playlists and bonding time, embarassing Beth weekly with the BIRD story, and always making extra chapsticks for us and our friends. I will miss these days. Thank you, Lord for my Beth. And then there are all the other people I have been blessed with here, the ones in which God is still working and will continue to work through this next year.



I can't wait to see what happens this summer in all our lives. I get to live life with so many amazing people this summer at Conference Center. And then we get a whole other year to do life together at OSS. I look forward to building on top of the foundation we have started in our teaching and in our relationships. I look forward to crazy times in the OC, eating every meal together, more epic campfires, Extendo becoming my favorite day of the week (at least I hope so!) big family get togethers at the Hitch with food and laughter, and above all a better understanding of who God is.



May this blog be a space in which I can document all the memories, insights, thoughts, fears, and stories of the year ahead. The horizon is so bright.

A Beautiful Reminder

Every Wednesday night we take our trail groups on a night hike. It's one of the best nights of the week because we get to show the kids how mysterious and different nature is at night, and we get to watch them conquer their fears as they do their solo walk. It's a really beautiful couple of hours. Well, it CAN be. Before every night hike I tell the kids "Ok guys..night hike can be good or it can bad, and it's up to you to make it good". And then I address all their questions and fears and we head out.

Before I left with my group tonight I just had that feeling, that feeling that you get when you just know that the night is gonna be ridiculous in a BAD way. But I shooed the thoughts away and told myself I was gonna give these kids the best possible night hike of their lives.

We headed out to this place called Gunshot which is an old shooting range across the street from Mount Hermon. It's pretty much all sand hills, dunes, trenches and LOTS of manzanita bushes. I love going there because it's so different from any other trail and the view is amazing. But I had only been on it for nighthike twice before tonight and I was a bit nervous. All of us Naturalists sign up for certain trails for the night hike so we know that we won't run into any other group. Me and Callan were both going to Gunshot so we talked about it beforehand, exactly where we were going and such. But I got to the top of Gunshot and accidentally ran into her group ending their solo walk. Oops? It actually happens alot so we've all learned to be flexible. So I just started walking past her group and started my solo walk on what I thought was the trail going back down the mountain. The trail I was on was the longest manzanita tunnel known to man! When you're in it not only does it feel like a creepy fairy tale but you forget what the sky even looks like because all that is above you for so long are low manzanita branches. I went out before the kids started to set it up and mark off where they would all end. I was walking, and walking, and walking and there was no clearing for me to end the walk on. I didn't want them to go that far and I needed to be back at camp soon so I just ended it mid-tunnel. The kids slowly but surely got to me and when they were all back I looked at my watch and saw I had only a half hour before I needed to be back at camp and we were pretty far away. Also, I hadn't even taught about bats, owls, or triboluminescence yet. So we started hiking, eventually coming out of the tunnel, but then we just kept on going. And going. And going. And....going. It was really dark by this time and I had NO clue where I was. I could hear the cars on the road, I could see their headlights, but there was still a bunch of trees between us and the road, so I couldn't really off-road it. I started to get really scared. It didn't really help that the admin on duty that night wasn't answering their phone or that my walkie-talkie was dead. It also didn't help that I had 12 kids behind me asking me the most annoying questions EVER "Sarah, how many times do you do this night hike every week?" Me: "I do it once a week" Them: "So how many times a month?" Me: "Well, how many weeks are there in a month?" Them: "4, maybe 5?" Me: "There you go" Them:"So how many times do you do it a year?" GAH!!!!! I'm trying so hard not to lose all my marbles with these kids plus I have zero clue of where I am in a pitch dark forest. I have one kid with a disability who was freaking out which was totally legit because..heck..I was freaking out! And a mom counselor who is so critical of everything I do and always gives me that LOOK. Then I have a group of girls who hate eachother and are constantly gossiping about one another behind their backs. And just to put the cherry on top of this sundae of terrible-ness: I was convinced I had a tick on my leg.

Well..with lots of perseverence and prayer we finally made it to the gate. Thank you God. I hurried them back to camp just 20 minutes late and now that all the fear, anxiety, and frustration had subsided in me I turned around to look at them getting ready to apologize for such an unexpected, long, tedious night..but then I saw their faces. They were so excited. Smiling from ear to ear. They had loved it! They had no clue we had got lost, no clue I didn't teach them everything I wanted to teach, no clue we didn't even do half the fun activities I had planned, no clue I had even broke a sweat and was internally freaking out. This was their night hike experience. The only one they knew of. And they loved it.

A humbling experience to say the least. This job is not about me. These hikes, classes, activities, etc..are NOT about me. They are about these kids. Whatever God wants them to walk away with from this week they will. Why do I beat myself up so much for not being Super Naturalist? IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. I get to be continually reminded of this and that everything is God. The words that come out of my mouth when I teach. The joy that pours out when I show them how beautiful this world is. None of this is mine. I do not claim it or own it in any way. All the praise goes to Him.

I love this job.

The New Country

If you know me (and hopefully you do if you're reading this) you know that I absorb books like a sponge. I can sit down with a book and read for hours and still feel like I need more. I love everything that has to do with books. I once wanted to be a librarian just so I could work amongst books all day. (can you imagine me as a librarian? haha. oh the visual) I am drawn to any and all types of book stores. My idea of a perfect date would be browsing through hundreds of books with someone I have a major crush on. I am a nerd. I am ok with it. I am owning it.

All this to say...I have been reading amazing books lately. I have had amazing books recommended to me (if you wanna make me the happiest girl ever, tell me about a book you think I might like). And when you are absorbing all these beautiful words into your mind and heart it is quite difficult not to feel territorial of them, not to make them yours. I  make words mine. I love sharing them with people I think will benefit from them as much as I did. I make these words mine and they become a part of me. Just like how every moment you have with someone becomes a part of you. Another notch on your belt. Another trinket in your satchel.

The last thing I read that impacted me was titled "The New Country". What a beautiful title of a new frontier set out before you, endless possibilities. However, it also scares me. Because newness comes with pain. It comes with change. Awkwardness. The sense of clinging to all your securities because you feel like if you let go of them you'll fall into this abyss and not know how to get out.  "The New Country" talks about we can see what this new place is like, but how we are still, very much at home in the old country. You're very much at home there because as hard as it may be to live in the old, you know it so well. The happy. The sad. You wear it like an old tattered sweatshirt you can't bear to throw away because of all the moments you've had in it.

And then we realize that we have to leave this old place and step into the new place. The New Country. What I love most about what this book said about the new country is that this is where our Beloved dwells. What used to help us in the old country no longer works in the new. We don't know that what lives in this new country is what we need. It is what will work. But this requires the death of what has become so dear to you. The "death" of something is so scary to us. Why is that? The death of something is what produces new growth.

Like the redwood trees. (I'll grab any opportunity to talk about redwoods!) The main root "The Mama Stump" must be cut off and damaged, killed if you will, in order for other trees to grow from it. I love showing the kids at OSS this beautiful example of new life. When you walk into a redwood cathedral it's sad to see this huge stump in the middle, lifeless, what once was a huge glorious redwood tree, but then you look all around and see all the tall forms of life giving beings that have sprouted up from the death of that first tree.

We're so scared of death. We are so stricken with fear that we can't see all the life that is going to come out of it. This particular concept has been so precious to me lately. I know that I need to let some things die in my life, and that some of these things are the most important to me: security in relationships, friendships that are unhealthy, affection, history...the list goes on and on.

Trust is what is essential.

This book says that "the new country is where you are called to go, and the only way to go there is naked and vulnerable".  This IS the only way to go there. We cannot go in holding on to anything. And yet, when we get to this new country we love it. It feels good, and we begin to understand that newness is so refreshing. And then there are moments when we miss the old country and what we once had there, and we slip and fall and go back to that place. But what I have realized is that the old country doesn't hold it's power anymore, the spark is gone, the essence you once held onto so tightly and never thought you could live without no longer resides there.

It is about risk. We need to risk our vulnerabilities, our shame, the possibilities that things won't be the way we want them to be, in order to keep going farther and farther into the new country.

The New Country is where my Beloved dwells.

A call for perspective

Blogging. What a silly concept. And yet...I caved.

I love writing. I'm obsessed with actually. Nothing gives me more peace and clarity than all the thoughts in my head being transferred onto paper. And as silly as blogging is, I'm starting to see just how beautiful it can be. Why wouldn't I want my closest friends and family to have a window into my soul? To read my thoughts about God, life, humanity, etc?

So for my first blog, I want to write about perspective. Perspective has been on my mind alot lately. Many things have happened or not happened in my life lately that have required me to change my perspective on the situation in order to maintain positivity or..lets just be honest...sanity?

I'm currently reading an amazing book. It's called "The Inner Voice of Love" by Henri Nouwen. Everyone should read this book. I really have no words for how much I've learned from it. Go get it now! The last chapter I read was called "Remain attentive to your best intuitions" and I would like to put some of the best quotes from that chapter here, because this is SO where I'm at right now.

"You sense that nothing but God's love can fulfill your deepest need while the pull to other people and things remains strong. It seems that peace and anguish exist side by side in you, that you desire both distraction and prayerful concentration. Trust the clarity with which you see what you have to do. You are becoming aware of how close Jesus is to you. He holds you safe in his love. At times, memories of past events and fantasies about the future pierce your heart, but these painful incidents have become less frightening, less devastating, less paralyzing. It almost seems as if they are necessary reminders of your need to stay close--very close--to Jesus. You know that something totally new, truly unique, is happening within you. It is clear that something in you is dying and something is being born. You must remain attentive, calm, and obedient to your best intuitions.  You feel a strange sadness. An enormous loneliness emerges, but you are not frightened. You feel vulnerable but safe at the same time. JESUS IS WHERE YOU ARE, and you can trust that he will show you the next step."

WOW. Jesus is where you are. I'm not sure I've ever heard more exquisite words than that. I feel Him more than I ever have before. It is simply because I am allowing myself to feel him. He is ever so slowly and painfully pulling back the old, tattered blindfold that has shrouded my eyes for so long. My perspective is completely shifting to Him. My faith feels more genuine, nitty gritty, and true than it ever has before. Than I ever thought it could be.

I love my job. I never knew how fun it could be to walk around in nature with a bunch of middle schoolers teaching them about how amazing our world is. I learn more about myself and the character of God through the awe-inspiring faces of these children than I ever have in the first 23 years of my life. This past week we had a Christian school of 7th and 8th graders. It was a tough but amazing week. Tough because my kids were really disrespectful and I had a hard time trying to get them to challenge themselves. Plus, it was super intimidating to have older kids. Like..they were my height! But the whole week was culminated in one experience we shared together: night hike. For the age they are I was really suprised how terrified they were to go on their solo walk. I was talking to them before the walk about God and how much He yearns for our attention, to spend time with us, just us. And that I wanted them to use their solo walk time to simply talk to God, because nothing makes Him more joyful than His child's undivided attention. As always, I went ahead to map out the walk with glowsticks so they wouldn't get lost. I had them remain silent at the end of the walk until all the kids were there (so much easier said than done with middle schoolers!) but I wanted them to continue to stay in that place with God. When we started to talk about what was going through their heads as they were alone with God, tears instantly came to my eyes. Because it was dark, the kids didn't seem as afraid to speak up about their feelings since noone could really see eachother. The thoughts and questions that came out of their mouths were wise beyond their years: "Why does God give us mercy?", "I felt Him speaking to me for the first time in my life", "The glowsticks made me feel safe. I knew someone was waiting for me at the end, God is the one waiting for us and the glowsticks are the road we travel in life", "This solo walk made me love God more, because I had to lean on Him in order to get through it". 

Responses full of beauty, confusion, peace, fear, and love. They summed up exactly what our relationships with God often look like.

I wanted to write about perspective. My perspective of God is shifting. I am one step closer. That night those kid's perspective on God shifted. They are now one step closer. This is why my job is amazing. I get to actually watch this happen for these kids and grow with them along the way.

TOGETHER THROUGH LIFE is the title of my blog. I liked it because not only is it a Bob Dylan album title (whom I adore) but it sums up what I want this time in my life to look like. Together through life with Mount Hermon. Together through life with Santa Cruz. Together through life with these kids. Together through life with my God.

Happy reading. :)