revealing a promise

i have spent the last year and a half of my life trying to learn a lot of things and fulfill a lot of roles. but one of the biggest and most important roles i have tried to understand has been the role of teacher. before outdoor science, i had been in a teacher role but in different capacities. more of a spiritual teacher, guide, and mentor. which is totally different than a 5th and 6th grade experiential education teacher. or is it? the content i had been comfortable with teaching changed. from the bible to an outdoor science nature filled book of activities, games, and songs. from teaching about how to follow Jesus, to how to experience photosynthesis, the water cycle, and how to have adventures in nature. it went from leading small groups of high school girls to a bigger understanding of who God is to leading big groups of pre-pubescent kids on nature hikes, leading them to a bigger understanding of who THEY were. many things changed in my teaching...and Lord knows i've learned a lot. and not the easy way.

i would say that it took me a good year to really understand what it means to be a good teacher, what it looks like to not simply offer the answer or the solution to the problem, but to create the existence of a question, and how to be a support to my students, not in the way i thought they needed to be supported, but the way each individual kid needed to be supported. it came with a lot of frustration. a lot of being frustrated at myself for not being good enough. and frustrated at my students for not fulfilling my unfair expectations. it came with a lot of tears. it came with confusion (why am i here? how much do i really care about this? how can i be better? do i want to be better?) but i think most of all, it came with a lot of encouragement, support, and affirmation of those around me who were attempting the same thing i was: to be a good teacher. i'm not sure i would've got through this job without the people who were always right there to remind me of who i am, what my gifts are, and that this place wouldn't be the same without me, that the students in my trail groups need me and what i have to offer. i'm forever indebted to those people. they kept me sane.

what has taken me a long time to understand (why is it that it takes so long to understand the simplest of ideas?) is that good teaching is creating a space where there is open communication to ask questions fearlessly, and for both teacher and student to provide their life experiences as the means of their most valuable source or growth. but of course, this must be paired with a large amount of trust, which isn't easy to get in just 5 days, let alone with middle schoolers. something i've been noticing with my students, and even with my staff, is the importance of making them feel valuable, like they have something to offer to the whole. insecurity about our own abilities never really goes away as we get older. our gifts always need to be drawn out, affirmed, and challenged.

i've been reading henri nouwen's book "reaching out" and something he says as he is writing about the movement from hostility to hospitality, is that "a good host is the one who believes that his guest is carrying a promise he wants to reveal to anyone who shows genuine interest" and "we will never believe that we have anything to give unless there is someone who is able to receive." i am beginning to understand how much this is true of not just my peers, but all people who come through my story. right now these kids are a huge part of this chapter of my story. and i have no doubt that they have a promise they want to share with me. all i have to do is show that i want to hear it. easier said than done.

Jesus did not just teach. He reached out to our most personal needs. my prayer is that i can continue to learn how to do this well with these kids, and with each person that comes through my story. and that i would learn how to reveal my promise to them.

fighting till we're in HIs arms

Last year during this time we had a school come to outdoor science with an AMAZING group of counselors. these guys brought so much spirit into the week; giving their boys bandanas with nicknames on them, performing crazy songs up front at line up, and just investing all of themselves into those 5 days, with those kids in their cabin, and with us. now, us as naturalists don't ever really pour a lot of effort into the counselors. of course, we need them. and some weeks they are a huge help. but then there are others where the counselors are more of a burden to the group than a blessing. but not these guys. these guys for sure blessed us.
there was one guy counselor who was deeply impacted by his week at outdoor science. he ended up writing a letter talking about how much he was impacted in those 5 days. he left mount hermon changed. but we didn't really know the whole story. the cool thing is that ramsey stayed on our hearts and minds long after that week. and we prayed for him that whole year, stayed in contact with him, and thought about him a lot. we usually don't think about the counselors at all after they've left. our schedule is so crazy that before we know it we're onto the next group of kids and counselors to focus on. but ramsey stuck for some reason. a reason we did not know of until this week, one year later.
i knew he was coming this week and on sunday night i thought to myself "i wonder if he'll be my counselor, how cool would that be?" but dismissed it right away, just assuming i wouldn't get him. well i got my roster on monday morning and guess whose name is on the top of it? ramsey. i couldn't believe it. ian pulled me aside before my first class and asked me to pray with him for ramsey that week. we prayed that god would use him to impact the kiddos and that we would be used to impact ramsey. we had no clue how important that prayer was gonna be.
my week was....well...amazing is an understatement. i had 19 sixth graders. and 5 high school counselors. and the kids were great. but to be honest, it was the counselors that really made my week. ramsey made my week. i saw the kids in a different light because of him. i saw them through his eyes. and he gave me a whole new perspective to ministering to kids.
yesterday ramsey went into the office and started talking to ian about how he feels called to work with kids, how he's felt this tugging on his heart for a while. ian asked him where he thought that calling came from. that it came from god. well...long story short...ramsey accepted christ as his savior.
i see connections of this all over the place. why he came last year. why he was in tinas trail group, with someone who loved him so deeply. why he was the one counselor we thought about and prayed for all year long. why he had a special place in all of our hearts, even those who barely had any interaction with him. why he stayed in contact with some of us. why he came back. why he was in my trail group. the reasons and possibilities are endless. maybe the only reason ian was in this job was to lead ramsey to the lord. maybe the only reason ramsey came to outdoor science camp was so that he could be shown an example of the body of christ in us as a staff. so that he could be loved in a way he never has before. and so before he left today we took him into a room and gave him his first bible, signed by all of us. and we laid hands on him and prayed for him and the new life he is about to begin. we welcomed him into the family. it was beautiful.
god's goodness and faithfulness is all over this.
our god fights for his children. he will stop at nothing until they are in his arms.
again. i got to be witness to a life transformed. AGAIN. who are we to be allowed to see that? but god does it every day.
one life was drastically changed today. he will never be the same. and we will never be the same for knowing him. i love god more today than i did yesterday because i was able to watch this transformation happen. and that is exactly why he does it.
so...pray for ramsey. he's the one in the back giving me bunny ears :) he has a long road ahead of him. but the journey is sweet.

rain rain rain

a few nights ago us naturalists experienced something at work that we had never experienced before: POURING RAIN ON NIGHT HIKE.

now, let me just tell you that night hike, by itself, with no weather complications, is hard. i mean, you have a bunch of 5th and 6th grade kids walking behind you, most of who have never even hiked in the woods before, let alone in the dark. and they are FREAKING out. this is the night that us naturalists think to ourselves "how in the world can a child ask that many questions?" so then we proceed to send out these kids who are practically peeing their pants in fear to walk by themselves in the dark on their solo walk and we act like its just no big deal, i mean, we do this every week. after the solo walk we usually spray these kids all over with glow stick juice that we have retrieved from breaking apart the glow sticks. then we put mints in their hands and tell them to wrap their fingers tightly around it because this "thing" reacts with the air and if the air gets to it the cool magical thing we're about to do won't work. we tell them to put it in their mouths and chew really hard really fast with their mouths open. "triboluminescence" is basically the light that is created when material is pulled apart (in this case chewed) through the breaking of chemical bonds in the material. so the kids see this crazy blue spark in each other's mouths and freak out. it's fun. you can do this too! just buy some lifesaver mints, get in a dark room and prepare to be amazed.



all this to say, night hike has become such a normal thing for us. i forget what a big deal it is for these little guys. we usually always have great weather for night hike, with maybe a few weeks with no stars because of the clouds, but for the most part we have pretty smoothly run wednesday nights. but this past week it was a downpour of unexpected rain. the kids had pretty good attitudes about it, which was encouraging to us as naturalists because we did NOT. i set out with my kids and did all the normal night hike stuff, just in the pouring rain. they could barely hear me teaching over the rain pelting our rain jackets and ponchos. i set up my solo walk the way i normally do, telling them my story of my own personal solo walk experience when i came down to mount hermon for training before outdoor science started, how i was already so proud of the things they had accomplished that week and the fears they had overcome. i told my counselors to send them one minute apart and then me and some of the teachers set out to mark the path with glow sticks. i had 6th graders that week and i really wanted to challenge them, so i had planned to make my solo walk a bit longer than usual. about half way through we ran into a GIANT puddle the entire width of the trail, about 6 inches deep. i had to end my solo walk there because i knew the kids would've had to swim through it and then they would complain and well...i've learned how to pick my battles in this job. they all made it back safely, mostly just complaining the solo walk was too short. at this point it was starting to rain harder and harder and i made the executive group decision to start heading back to camp to finish up my last bit of teaching in a dry room. and before i knew it, night hike was over. i went back to the office to drop off my radio and saw the faces of my fellow staff. some were actually crying. some looked so mad i knew they just didn't even wanna talk about it. it had been one of those nights where we have to just walk home and go to sleep immediately and hope the next day is better. i went to my room and started looking for my phone, only to find it at the bottom of my backpack completely soaked. it was broken. i put it in a bowl of dry rice to dry it out like everyone always says to do, but i knew it was probably a goner. the next day i went to the verizon store and got a new phone. but not just a regular new phone, oh no. i got this little gem of joy:



and now my life will never be the same. i mean...the things we can do with phones nowadays blows my mind. and i have a love/hate relationship with the fact that i can be on facebook in one second wherever i am. but the night from hell, night hike in the rain, resulted in some good. and that was the only night hike experience those kids have ever had. so thank you, God for the rain on wednesday night. it will make me grateful every wednesday night hike we don't have rain...and God thank you, thank you, thank you...for the Blackberry Curve.