revealing a promise

i have spent the last year and a half of my life trying to learn a lot of things and fulfill a lot of roles. but one of the biggest and most important roles i have tried to understand has been the role of teacher. before outdoor science, i had been in a teacher role but in different capacities. more of a spiritual teacher, guide, and mentor. which is totally different than a 5th and 6th grade experiential education teacher. or is it? the content i had been comfortable with teaching changed. from the bible to an outdoor science nature filled book of activities, games, and songs. from teaching about how to follow Jesus, to how to experience photosynthesis, the water cycle, and how to have adventures in nature. it went from leading small groups of high school girls to a bigger understanding of who God is to leading big groups of pre-pubescent kids on nature hikes, leading them to a bigger understanding of who THEY were. many things changed in my teaching...and Lord knows i've learned a lot. and not the easy way.

i would say that it took me a good year to really understand what it means to be a good teacher, what it looks like to not simply offer the answer or the solution to the problem, but to create the existence of a question, and how to be a support to my students, not in the way i thought they needed to be supported, but the way each individual kid needed to be supported. it came with a lot of frustration. a lot of being frustrated at myself for not being good enough. and frustrated at my students for not fulfilling my unfair expectations. it came with a lot of tears. it came with confusion (why am i here? how much do i really care about this? how can i be better? do i want to be better?) but i think most of all, it came with a lot of encouragement, support, and affirmation of those around me who were attempting the same thing i was: to be a good teacher. i'm not sure i would've got through this job without the people who were always right there to remind me of who i am, what my gifts are, and that this place wouldn't be the same without me, that the students in my trail groups need me and what i have to offer. i'm forever indebted to those people. they kept me sane.

what has taken me a long time to understand (why is it that it takes so long to understand the simplest of ideas?) is that good teaching is creating a space where there is open communication to ask questions fearlessly, and for both teacher and student to provide their life experiences as the means of their most valuable source or growth. but of course, this must be paired with a large amount of trust, which isn't easy to get in just 5 days, let alone with middle schoolers. something i've been noticing with my students, and even with my staff, is the importance of making them feel valuable, like they have something to offer to the whole. insecurity about our own abilities never really goes away as we get older. our gifts always need to be drawn out, affirmed, and challenged.

i've been reading henri nouwen's book "reaching out" and something he says as he is writing about the movement from hostility to hospitality, is that "a good host is the one who believes that his guest is carrying a promise he wants to reveal to anyone who shows genuine interest" and "we will never believe that we have anything to give unless there is someone who is able to receive." i am beginning to understand how much this is true of not just my peers, but all people who come through my story. right now these kids are a huge part of this chapter of my story. and i have no doubt that they have a promise they want to share with me. all i have to do is show that i want to hear it. easier said than done.

Jesus did not just teach. He reached out to our most personal needs. my prayer is that i can continue to learn how to do this well with these kids, and with each person that comes through my story. and that i would learn how to reveal my promise to them.