transformation

i talked to my wonderful friend hannah tonight for a long time. what is great about a friendship like hannah and i have is that we pick up right where we left off. we haven't seen or talked to one another in 3 months and even though we only really call each other when things get hard, there is a level of understanding there. we both know that it's ok to do that. hannah and i have been through so much together. we met in college about 3 and a half years ago. the photo here is of us at our "wear yellow, eat jello" party where we all dressed in yellow and had a lot of jello shots. :) it's funny. the way i'm leaning on her, closing my eyes, comfort all over my face..is quite similar to what she did for me in college. she came into my life right in the midst of the worst pain i've ever been in. she walked with me in and out of that season of my life. she cried with me as i wept with tears of loss and confusion. she celebrated with me when i made a choice. and she continued to do these things as time went on. she knows me at my worst and my best. she knows my soul.

and tonight we talked about the pain she is in. me and hannah struggle with a lot of the same things in relationships: loss of individuality, wanting control, manipulation, shame, and fear. we relate on levels you just don't find with someone every day. and i sat on my roof tonight and listened to the deep rooted pain in her heart and in her words, as i stared out at a beautiful valley, in this amazing place that i live. and i could just feel her growth. i'm not sure there is any better feeling than being privileged to walk with someone in deep pain and then see them emerge into a better version of themselves, to a larger understanding of the world and their place in it. i could hear the clarity in her voice. the empowerment that she never had, or that she had lost. and tears streamed down my face and i just sat there in awe. i've talked about this a lot with my dear soul friend beth. (hi beth!) why does God allow us to be witness to transformed lives? it's one thing to struggle with the fact that He even desires to transform our lives at all. but to let us watch someone change, be transformed, be set free? i don't understand that. the only conclusion i can come to is that it is when we see those transformations that bring us to a bigger understanding of who HE is. it is to bring HIM glory. we do indeed change when we watch these transformations.

the amount of people's lives i have seen transform in just this past year is huge. and i understand more of...well...everything because of being a part of their story's. i have no doubt i'll get to watch other people transform when i leave this place. so...thank you hannah crowley...for reminding me tonight of the big things that can happen when someone takes a risk. and for reminding me of who i am. and who i want to be.