.scarred with remembrance.

i want to get a tattoo.

i've never wanted one until now. the permanence of it kinda scares me.
actually, it REALLY scares me.

but i've also never been at the place i am now.
the idea of putting something on your body, a physical reminder of a season of your life that produced large amounts of struggle and growth, a symbol of the place you were in before that season, what you have been brought out of, a memory engraved on your skin for the rest of your life that will always remind you of Him....well, i think I could jump on board with that.

for all 6 or 7 of you that read this blog (well thanks for sticking with me)...but you all know how influential this past year has been for me. january 7th, 2009 was the end of the beginning for me. i left an unhealthy life for a life of the unknown, in a new state, for a new job i knew nothing about, with a group of people that were so different than me. the past 12 or 13 months have brought me through the darkest parts of the forest, to places i never thought i would go, to a person i never thought i could be. those dark parts of the forest were long but i always saw a bit of light peeking through the trees. as i walked through the woods, God allowed people to cross my path that helped me to see His faithfulness of a bit more clearly.

i could go on and on about this, but i think psalm 18 sums it up perfectly:

"in my distress i called to the lord;
i cried to my god for help.
from his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
he reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
he rescued me from my powerful enemy;
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
they confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the lord was my support.
he brought me out into a spacious place,
he rescued me because he delighted in me."

my distress was bondage.
my spacious place was santa cruz.
his delight is my freedom.

freedom will be the theme of my tattoo. not just for that time of my life, but for the beautiful reality that we will always be set free from things that bond us.

i'm leaving santa cruz in a few months, not knowing now where i'll be, but one thing is for sure. i never want to forget this year. i never want to forget his faithfulness. and there will be days when i do. and it's those days that i want to be able to look down at the permanent scar on my skin, look up, and keep walking.